I had the privilege of being interviewed by Haley Radke with the Adoptees On podcast recently and my 1st episode in a 2 part series on Grief airs today. You can listen here: //html5-player.libsyn.com/embed/episode/id/7039617/height/300/theme/custom/autoplay/no/autonext/no/thumbnail/yes/preload/no/no_addthis/no/direction/backward/render-playlist/yes/custom-color/0079b6/ As always, I hope for and welcome your feedback. And, stay tuned! In 2 weeks, part II of our conversation will... Continue Reading →
“I Have Always Known I Was Adopted….”
I have been paying attention to adoptees a lot lately. How they speak. How they look when they speak. What their hands are doing when they are speaking. How they relate to their own story. Where they over explain or under explain. How much they yearn for and how much they wish they could forget.... Continue Reading →
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Deep Inside I’ve Lived My Life with Secret Heart Wrenching Cries…
No more hiding. We are here and we have each other.
Baby cries, little girl cries, grown woman cries.
It’s always been a secret and it’s not safe with anyone.
It was always tucked so far down inside. I’m talking about the pain of adoption and how it festered and manifested in my life in ways that non-adoptees can’t even comprehend.
The realities for me have always been that my feelings weren’t welcomed growing up or for most of my adult life. My greatest heartbreak was a couples biggest blessing. In my advocacy and experience in networking with hundreds of adoptees all over the world, it’s not just me and my “bad adoption experience”. You can take it or leave it, but it’s been the majority of most of us who have felt this way. If you are one of the adoptees who doesn’t agree, I respect your views, but I would like to ask, “How many adult adoptees have you…
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Adoptees are Wired to Please
I often think of the many years I have spent trying to be who everyone expected me to be. Don't make mistakes. Don't get bad grades. Be seen, not heard. Behave. Be quiet. Do as I say. Sit here. Wear this. Don't get in trouble. No one ever "SAID" these things to me (well, "be... Continue Reading →
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Is not writing, still writing?
I have not written many words in weeks. I am not sure why. I feel like all the words have already been written. Sometimes I just am at a loss for words and am searching for myself. I went to a creativity retreat several weekends ago. I wrote the most honest and for me, heart... Continue Reading →
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Shame is NOT an Emotion
Just let the title of this blog writing sink into your brain. "Shame is a thermostat: if it fails to function, regulation of relationships becomes impossible." Suzanne Retzinger Shame is NOT an Emotion. Does this surprise you as much as it did me? Let me explain from a Gestalt perspective what I have learned. Shame... Continue Reading →
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ALIVENESS and the Art of Paying Attention
“What will you do with your one precious, wild life?” Mary Oliver Things have been happening in my life at warp speed right now. Anne Heffron told me recently that "this is my time." I agree with her. The thing about it being "my time" is I am seeking experiences, I am paying attention,... Continue Reading →
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The Day I Finally Looked Like Someone
27 years ago today, I had a baby!! As an adopted person, I worried about becoming a parent. I had so many questions: Could I love a child? Would I wonder what my birth mother felt when I was born? What DID she feel?. Would this baby look like my birth mother or father? Would... Continue Reading →
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Grieving as an Adoptee
“Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.” – Earl Grollman I think that the adopted person starts grieving at the moment they are removed from their biological mother.... Continue Reading →
