There is a space in my heart I have reserved for bringing love to the places within me that I wish I could banish into the shadows, never to be seen by anyone again.
You know, all those things about ourselves that are difficult.. or we don’t like…or that we loath… or that we wish were different…. or that we want to hide… or that we shame ourselves with. You know, THOSE, things.
I realized today that this space exists. Let me explain.
We were just 4 friends who feel like family having a conversation about one of the things we have in common – Adoption.
We were talking about life, our emotional selves and how we are moving through out lives.
At one point, I shared that I am learning to bring love to the dark places within me that I wish did not exist. (Sometimes, being adopted is on this list)
I said, “Every emotion we have as a human belongs. If we can bring love to that emotion, we can allow ourselves to be safe”
Then, I waved my arms around me like I was actually gathering love or flowers or butterflies
In that moment…that very second… as I brought my own hands close to my heart and lungs, I felt a warm rush of love and peace and sacredness that I felt move through me. It was beautiful.
This was the moment I felt a leap in my chest as if the door in my heart where all those hidden experiences and emotions opened just wide enough for me to shove some love in the room before the door slammed again.
What I am learning is that Love is the great equalizer of all emotions. When we can bring love to the darkness within ourselves, to the places that we want to hide from the world, from ourselves, we can begin to feel more at ease in our own lives.
When we can accept all our emotions, reactions and even our darkness, we can begin to feel more whole. All our emotions “fit,” and need to be allowed to exist within our bodies, within our lives.
And, for adoptees, even shame, even past hurts, even our abandonment, even our relinquishments, even our loneliness, even our fear – it all fits as we are humans and we have human emotions. OF COURSE we have felt all of this hard stuff because when we were little babies, things did not go well for us. We must not abandon that little baby within ourselves because we are afraid to feel all the hurt and anguish of being “given up, given away.” We already experienced all of it and if we can offer that tiny hurt baby LOVE, we can expand our awareness and our opportunity to be more fully alive. It is not easy, but the concept is simple (This is what I am learning in my own therapy )
Bring the love – gather it to yourself, to the place in your heart that it needs to live. Try doing some waving, gathering motions in the air like you are literally grabbing love from the air and bringing it to yourself. How does that feel? What does love gathering look like to you?