I have an 8 ball. Her name is Hachiko. She has an 8 on her chest, but if you turn her on her side, it is the infinity / eternity symbol. She is my adoption story. She is all the truths, all the hurts, all the happiness, all the loneliness and all the longing. She is part of my sacred wound. She if love personified.
I have had her living in me for my entire life. She has grown and changed and become who she is today though various experiences. She has added truths and hurts and injuries along the way, and over the years. She has seen a lot of life. In the beginning she was small, like a steely marble. She grew. Her 8 began to grow. She became eternal.
But, she always saw things from the inside, in my gut, where the deepest hurts have always been kept. I am sure the view was not so great for many years. My gut has not always been a pretty place. There wasn’t really much light getting in, and if it did happen to seep in, Hachiko would be sure to turn off the light with some dark.
When she was a small 8 ball, she was scared of everything and everyone. She would cower in the corner and hope that no one would notice her. It was safest to be small. It was safest to not be in too much trouble. To do as was expected and to be able to not be too noticeable. Living small was her way of not making waves.
Over the years, she would come to the surface. She would peer out through blue eyes, wondering if she could be real. Wondering if she would be loved. Wondering if she could be part of a life that would be something special.
Then, one day, she was told that she could come out. That it was time to live BIG, be gigantic. Be authentic. Speak her truth. Say things she had never said before. FEEL things with more truth and emotion than ever before.
She came out and saw light. She came out and felt all of life. She made plans, and goals, and friends for a lifetime. She met other 8 balls. She discovered, she was not the only 8 ball on the planet! She no longer felt lonely. She was no longer alone. She had a truth that needed telling.
She now is building a life of all the things she dreamed of while living small in the dark. She is loving bigger. Not apologizing for being an 8 ball. Not being a victim of the past. She is giving it all she has and loving large.
Soon, she will be going to the beach and seeing the ocean for the first time as an outside 8 ball. She hopes to find some shells she can hold and smell and feel. Living life, never being small again.
Living big means living without regret. On ward and 8 ball upward.