Several years ago, my friend Keri suggested the idea of a ‘focus word’ for the new year. I loved the idea, and started choosing words for myself.
2017’s word was STRIVE. I chose that word to remind me to strive for more, to reach higher to be better and to strive to be more whole. I actually wrote ‘more whole’ in my notes about this word. Little did I know that in February 2017, I would know my WHOLE beginning story and a WHOLE lot more amazing people would be part of my life. It was a WHOLE lot of a year! (yes, I used the WHOLE spelling on purpose).
It is amazing what adoption reunion brought into my life ~ the good, the amazing, the unbelievable, the grief, the loss and the acceptance and rejection. All of it became part of my whole heart. I have had time to reflect and to settle into all the information that I have about my beginnings and my biological family.
This settling has brought me to choose the word ACCEPTANCE as my 2018 focus word.
Acceptance does not mean, roll over, lie down, give permission, compliance or to settle.
To me, Acceptance means to fully accept parts of life that I can not change.
Additionally, Keri shared the following quote with me today;
“I actually attack the concept of happiness. The idea that – I don’t mind people being happy – but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness. It’s a really odd thing that we’re now seeing people saying “write down 3 things that made you happy today before you go to sleep”, and “cheer up” and “happiness is our birthright” and so on. We’re kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position – it’s rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don’t teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say “Quick! Move on! Cheer up!” I’d like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word “happiness” and to replace it with the word “wholeness”. Ask yourself “is this contributing to my wholeness?” and if you’re having a bad day, it is.”
― Hugh Mackay
When I read this today, I KNEW that Acceptance was the word for me to focus on. I spent so much of 2017 feeling overwhelmed, full of grief, sad, confused and at other times, thrilled, delighted, amazed. There even was times of happiness. But, I kept thinking, “I SHOULD be happy. I SHOULD be able to pull out of this depression. I SHOULD get over this whole rejection thing”
I was SHOULDING all over myself.
I love that by accepting all that comes my way in 2018, by not saying “I should be happy” and having an altruistic expectation for myself will actually allow me to accept and become more whole.
What is your word for 2018? I would love to read your comments and thoughts.
And, I promise to accept you right where you are, who you are and to accept your brokenness. I accept my own.
#adoption #LDS #acceptance