I have a little voice in my head that reminds me about myself, or who that voice “thinks” I am / should be or who I am not and could never be. Let’s call this voice “Slime.”
Slime has been part of the fabric of my life for a long time, as long as I can remember. Slime is gender neutral and has a frantic sounding voice. Just when I think I am about to do or be someone bigger than I was before, Slime shows up, says some snarky, mean words and I retreat, tail between my legs.
I don’t know how it is for those who are not adopted, I only know what my experience is and I feel my experience is directly correlated to being adopted. I am sure others have a Slime living within their mind’s ears, as I have had clients share their experiences. I just know, for me, Slime has made my life difficult often.
For example, with my friends who I feel particularly close to, Slime likes to tell me they could care less about me. When, to me, they seem to ignore or slight me in any way, Slime gets on my brain’s blow horn to inform me, “They really are not your friends. You are not good enough for them, anyway.” So, I back away, isolate, get butt hurt and think that they hate me. Which is so NOT true, but in my adopted brain, it makes sense in those crazy-making moments. I get defensive. I get scared. I get mad. I get hurt.
So, why do I ‘allow’ negative thoughts from Slime? Well, I equate it to not being wanted / kept by my birth mother. When she was carrying me during her pregnancy, she knew I was not going to be hers, nor did she want me to be. I was unwanted from my very beginnings.
I have read many studies about how the mother’s thoughts can affect the infant on the inside of her body; “Everything the pregnant mother feels and thinks is communicated through neurohormones to her unborn child, just as surely as are alcohol and nicotine,” says Dr. Thomas Verny.
Also, Dr. Deepak Chopra clearly explains what pregnancy research is showing, “When a pregnant mother is anxious, stressed, or in a fearful state, the stress hormones released into her bloodstream cross through the placenta to the baby. Hundreds of studies have confirmed that chemicals released by the pregnant mother’s body are transported into the womb and affect the unborn baby.” for more info, click here – http://getfitforbirth.com/a-mothers-emotions-affect-her-unborn-child/
My birth mother did not want to be pregnant. Abortion was not an easy option in 1965. She knew she could not, would not be keeping me. She had 5 children who were in foster care and I was #6. I was unplanned and she had no means to care for me. I can only imagine the stress and anxiety she felt. And what I must have felt as I was on the inside for those 9 months. I have a mental picture of Slime forming in my brain as I am forming in her belly.
So, why am I publically writing about this Slime problem? Well, it is to release the shame of Slime and my negative thought patterns. I am writing this blog as a way to encourage myself, a 52 year old adoptee, that Slime has no place in my life anymore. I hope that whatever I write will help or encourage someone else, too.
I am enough. There is no need to add words with “enough,” such as good enough, or not good enough. I am just ENOUGH. As I am. I am enough. You are enough, too.
I wear a wrist cuff that says, “I am enough.” I wear it every day. I look at it multiple times a day. It helps keep Slime at bay.
this is my hand with my Enough cuff
Some ways to fight negative thoughts (Slime)
- Find a positive affirmation – repeat daily
- Visualize yourself in a store, shopping for positive thoughts. Buy them.
- Have a cup of something warm. I like Chai Tea. It brings heat and awareness to my body, and my heart.
- Observe your thoughts. Speak to them. Validate them. Then, offer love and send them on your way. I do this – “Hello Slime. I see you. I recognize you. You no longer serve me. You are free to go.”
- No mountain or wall building. Walk around the mountains. Put a door in your walls.
- Don’t think of what can go wrong, think of all the things going right.
- Love yourself. Remind yourself you are worth loving and are loveable.
- Take deep breaths. Breath in positive thoughts. Breath out negative thoughts
- Move your body. Take a walk. Swing your arms while you stand still. Just move. (this one is hard for me, but I am trying)
- Listen to Pink sing “Fu**ing Perfect.” She says a powerful line in this song, “Change the voices in your head. Make them like you instead”
And always remember – You and I are Enough. We are all ENOUGH.